Mate, look for similar or complementary characters?
Different mate selection strategies for men and women. Evolutionary biology has a core idea: the degree to which an animal “adapts” is based on its success rate in reproduction.
Evolutionary psychology believes that due to the different roles of the two sexes in raising offspring, they have different mate selection strategies. The image is: men broadcast seeds, and women receive fine food.
The theory of evolution holds that because the cost of breeding is low, the success of breeding is measured by the number of offspring.
In order to preserve genetic information to the greatest extent, they pursue mating with different females.
In contrast, for females, the cost of offspring reproduction is very high, going through the length and discomfort of pregnancy, and caring for offspring after childbirth.
Therefore, their successful reproduction lies in their ability to successfully raise each offspring, and therefore they mate infrequently, and only mate with a carefully selected male, because it is necessary to raise and guarantee the survival of each offspring.The cost is too high.
Finding a spouse often requires the individual to display his resources. Humans have learned to notice certain external clues of the opposite sex through evolutionary choices.
For women facing high reproduction costs, they will look for men who can provide resources to support their offspring; men will look for women who appear to be able to successfully reproduce their offspring.
Indeed, it is believed that health is the guarantee of successful reproduction. Men will pay more attention to women’s appearance and age; women will pay more attention to men’s economic status and professional achievement, because these variables represent the resources needed by them and their offspring.
But researchers have made another discovery.
They asked the men and women participating in the experiment to score the degree of substitution (including appearance attractiveness) of the 23 traits of possible sexual partners (short-term, without the need for mutual commitment).
In terms of probable sexual partners, both sexes ranked appearance attractiveness first.
In other studies, both sexes ranked physical attractiveness as the most important factor for sexual interest.
It can be seen that, in essence, the response of men and women to the attractiveness of the opposite sex is basically similar.
It is similarity that brings people together. In the process of mate selection, what is the first factor that attracts us?
Do we like people who resemble ourselves or prefer people who are complementary to ourselves?
The so-called love at first sight is difficult for two people to fall in love with each other. In most cases, the love of others is always perceived by the other party, and then the love of the other party is awakened.
So the most common form of love is capture and chase between the sexes.
Interpersonal goodwill can convey a powerful force to each other, so that the deficiency of objective conditions can be overcome, and the “princess” is committed to the “grass people”.
This point of reciprocity, it reveals that the key factor in favoring someone is how much we think they like them.
Researchers have come up with evidence: “Someone is just waiting, someone pointed out that someone does something that makes them think that this person likes them.”
From this perspective, “attracted by each other” is the first factor that attracts us.
When choosing a spouse, what is the similarity or complementarity between the other person and us that is more attractive to us?
Research evidence has shown that it is similarity, not complementarity, that brings people together.
The similarity mainly includes the matching degree in three aspects: assessment and personality, interest and experience, and interpersonal style.
Among them, interpersonal style is the most important predictor of relationship.
Interpersonal style is the style and skills of communicating with others.
People with high interpersonal skills focus on the psychological state of social interaction, and attach great importance to the psychological components involved in communication. People with low interpersonal skills focus on the instrumental components of social communication (for example, what can be obtained and the final result of communication).Don’t care about each other’s personality traits or motivations.
Friends often communicate with similar levels of communication skills-low to low, high to high.
Researchers have found that interacting with people who have improved their interpersonal communication styles can be frustrating and more likely to develop further.
Attraction can also occur when a person is different from himself in some particular way.
Researchers in a case study of failed intimacy found that 30% of the reasons for breaking up were “fatal attraction”, that is, the characteristic that attracted us most at the time (for example, he is really different and she is hard to find out.Fascinating) and be the culprit of ending the relationship (we have nothing in common).
The original “unusual” has become “eccentric” or even “disorganized”.
For another example, he attracted you because he showed a deep and deep love for you, but later, you found that his love was “good jealous and too exclusive”.
When two people are in a relationship, there will always be differences, and these differences are the original reasons for mutual attraction.
But when these differences become the cause of attraction, that attraction can become “lethal”.